Weird hobbies are fine
Holding gold as a speculative position or as part of a “balanced portfolio” is fine. After all, there are creepier hobbies, like collecting dolls or competitive eating. But holding a significant chunk of your assets in gold to protect yourself against some end-of-the-world scenario is just silly.
If the economy should crash, like the apocalyptic gold permabulls have been preaching for a decade now, it’s going to go down in one of two ways:
1) The current financial system will survive (likely outcome: Great Depression, Part II)
2) The current financial system will not survive (Mad Max light)
Scenario 1 would mean that cash will do much better than any other type of asset. In a solid deflationary shitstorm, $, €, ¥ and £ will knock gold out of the park.
Scenario 2 means that there is no cash. But bad news for gold bugs – Mr. Rockatansky never made a fuss about gold. He was all about gasoline, food, guns and ammo though. And he took heat from posses and militias.
Be like Max, but with better people skills
If you think the financial system really is going to collapse, owning gold makes no sense. Some half-naked guy with a weird voice and a slight S&M fetish is gonna come for your stuff with his friends. If you really want to be ok in that scenario, sell your gold, buy canned food, guns, ammo, gas, older vehicles, spare parts and – most importantly – form a posse. The more tight-knit the group, the better. So maybe it’s time to start cultivating relationships with that in mind, with an eye on who you would love to have in your militia once the lights go out. Local butchers are an obvious choice (essential post-apocalyptic skills but also organizational efficiency), accountants maybe less obviously so, but they will help rationalize any morally dubious move and make it sound like the only reasonable thing to do. Also, they will only turn on you if you become a liability.